After what’s been a season of equally seismic, ridiculous, confounding, exhausting and brilliant in measure, the footballing gods decided to really say “fuck their hamstrings” and keep the Euros on too.
This tournament was always going to be a bit different, because of the bizarre decision to stage it not in one country, but all over Europe. To this, I’d say imagine 2010 in South Africa without the vuvuzelas or Shakira, or … okay, so admittedly not all countries impart their character as much. But that’s a them problem.
Aside from that, the number of teams is an odd one. 24 teams means that the normal first, second go through, and then four of the six best third place finishers go through too. This is an odd way which basically means that most teams qualify.
Tournaments should probably go with 16 teams (four teams of four, top two go through straight to quarters, or just embrace the chaos of 32 teams and dilute the quality).
But, that, and Covid aside, the show did in fact go on and it’s managed to be a very good one. By many measures it’s been a pretty standard Euros competition, but by others it’s also been more typical of the season proceeding it.
Here I’ll sum up some thoughts on the good, the bad, the ugly, and Southgate’s fits (immaculate) and the importance of wing-backs (very).
England
Let’s get this one out the way with.
England won their first ever opening game of the Euros. Which is objectively good. They also beat the team which knocked them out of the World Cup semi-finals. Also, objectively good. They’ve looked more solid and in control than I can ever remember. Another good.
But of course everyone is complaining.
It wouldn’t be England at an international tournament without complaints and armchair pundits. To be fair. There are legitimate complaints. England, for all our worldly attacking talent, have been boring.
But, in international tournaments, boring is good. You need to be boring. You need to bore games and your opponents and fans and cut into the relentless game time to see matches out. You need to not be ridiculously exciting. You just need to win. And being boring lends itself to winning. No risk-taking, nothing unnecessary. You win. That’s it.
Grace Robertson wrote this brilliant piece outlining it with the blanket metaphor, putting it far more eloquently and developing it better than me raving about boring be good ever could.
“He was arranging his short blanket in a way that would keep the coldest part of his body warm, knowing that the rest could cope with the cold.”
The blanket is your tactics. The coldest part is the weaknesses of the team. The rest of the team is your strengths.
In England’s case it’s as simple as this. We are VERY good going forward. We are not as good in defence. Southgate set us up to protect the defence, to not score, knowing we had enough talent up top to still snatch goals.
This is exactly what has happened.
Southgate, at the beginning of the tournament, said he had been studying previous tournament winners.
He said: “I just think when I looked at the French and Portuguese teams that won, they are savvy and experienced winners. And that’s something we need to add to this group.”
And he was right. Previous tournament winners were efficient, dull, and pragmatic. They won. They weren’t astounding goal-scoring machines. Even the infamous Spain squad of the 2012 Euros won almost every game by one single goal. They weren’t going for 5-0’s. They got their goal, and locked the game down and passed teams to death. It was boring at times. Brilliantly so.
Next round sees England welcome an erratic German team. Honestly it could go either way, and quite heavily. So I’m calling 2-1 England based on absolutely no evidence and hoping Southgate can manage that short blanket of his.
The only other thing to say on England is this:
#FreeSancho #FreeBellingham
There is only one dark horse/legitimate underdog in this tournament and it’s not who you think it is
Italy is not a dark horse. I’m tired of people calling Italy a dark horse and then realising how stupid calling a team whose keeper hasn’t conceded for them in 874 minutes, dark horses. They’re just horses.
A lot of people, fairly, pointed to Turkey as dark horses. Turkey promptly disappointed everyone by being utterly useless and none of their players seemed to know what they were doing.
There’s only one real dark horse.
They didn’t win a single game
They finished bottom of their group.
It’s Hungary.
Trust me it’s Hungary.
Think about it. Who had three of the best international teams in the world in their group and had all three figured out? Hungary’s game plans were fucking astounding.
Also, this little fact:
Hungary were ahead for more minutes, and trailed for fewer, than any other team in Group F.
Let that sink in. They led for more time than France, Germany and Portugal, and were behind for less time than them. THEM. Hungary drew 2-2 with Germany, 1-1 with France and lost 3-0 to Portugal (all goals coming in the last six minutes).
Against Germany Hungary pummelled their wing-backs (or the space they should be), and the great Kimmich and prevented Gosens getting forward. The same Gosens who rang Portugal rabid. They made sure that game was played in the wide areas.
Against Portugal, they did an excellent job of not giving some of the most exciting and creative talents around for 84 minutes. They folded a bit by the end but the scoreline definitely didn’t reflect the game.
With France, they held the best international team in the world. Shut up shop. Then did the thing you have to do, and score in the one or two chances you have.
I mean, sure they finished bottom, and sure, their elected leader can suck my ass, but by god that Hungarian team can hold their heads up proudly.
Who’s done really well?
Giving out some well deserved kudos:
Pedri
The quiet bit about Pedri that people are saying increasingly loudly, is that he is comparable to Iniesta.
I’m not sure what else needs to be said.
In Spain’s trouncing of Slovakia he got a hat-trick of pre-assists. He is absolutely vital for the Spain’s midfield and will be key next round in the battle against the Croatian midfield.
Whilst he’s probably best as an attacking box-to-box midfielder, Spain field him at the base of their midfield, conducting proceedings because they don’t have anyone else who could do it anywhere nearly as well.
Did I mention he’s 18?
Alexander Isak
I am very bad at predictions. But, picking out the Swedish striker as one to watch was something I did actually do beforehand.
Standing at 1.9m, the 21-year-old can play as more of a traditional striker than most forwards these days. But he is also fantastic with his feet and a deadly finisher.
In a Sweden team lacking their long term talisman of Zlatan Ibrahimović, he has more than stepped up.
Sweden won their group unbeaten, and whilst they probably won’t cause too many upsets (watch this space) they’re a tidy club.
Leon Goretzka
Leon Goretzka is a very good Bayern Munich midfielder.
He’s a very good lad with a long history of standing against the far-right and standing up for those in need.
He’s also fucking massive.
France, just all of France man
What the hell how are France so good?
They are stacked.
Greizemann is so wonderful at dropping deep and connecting play. He’s also amazing at slide tackling and has discovered he loves it. He works so hard for France too that it’s not unusual to see him racing back towards his own touchline.
Benzema, once we got past the fact he tried to blackmail his teammate a few years back, is an absolute shark of a striker and also really unselfish all things considered.
N’golo Kante is N’golo Kante. he is the twelfth, thirteenth and fourteenth man.
Then there’s Paul Pogba.
Who, whenever he does something amazing, has me screaming “PAULI!!!”.
Paul Pogba doesn’t see the football pitch how we mere mortals do. We see players and the football and have our little plans. Paul Pogba sees possibilities. He sees the run from the full-back and where he’ll be in five seconds time, he sees the outside chance or curling one round and down to Mbappe.
So yes, there are a lot of good teams, but France are just that little (big) bit ahead.
Some other thoughts ..
There’s a lot here I didn’t cover, like Wales and how brilliant they are and handsome Aaron Ramsey is. Or Scotland, and how, whilst they are out, they made it to their first major tournament in 20 years, and they’ll be back for more.
I could’ve been meaner about Turkey, or disparaging about the fashion choices of some managers (or their tactical choices).
There’s a lot more tactically I could’ve spoken of too. I used very little data because there’s such a small subset of data from the tournament it almost isn’t worth using.
The group stages, by and large, didn’t turn up any surprises.
The teams of who have done well have been the ones who are brutally sensible. Annoyingly so. Also, ones who have utilised their wing backs without exposing themselves.
There’s a lot to be said about the sheer toll the season has taken on the lad’s hamstrings. Before, many people pointed out that the teams who’s players had less mileage might well turn out some surprises. By and large this hasn’t come true. But still, protect the lad’s hammies at all cost.
International tournaments aren’t like normal league games. And whilst this tournament has been different in a number of ways. It’s also been quite lovely and normal in a number of others.
But the football’s just started again so I have to watch Wales vs Denmark.
Have a lovely weekend x